Funny, but I have never really thought of myself as being older even though I am approaching 45 this May and Keaton will be 20 in July. They say that age is a state of mind and perhaps this is why I still find myself stuck in a time warp between the boys hanging out in the park behind the house on Milford drive, having an Easter egg hunt at the farm, and being an empty nester of sorts and touring the English countryside. I struggle sometimes with doing the right thing for everyone and what feels right for me. Having children presents a natural obstacle in life. Not that that is a bad thing. It is what it is. I love my kids; all four of them. I miss being a family too. But being here in the UK has certainly been a very freeing experience. No mounds of snow to deal with each winter, stacking wood, and freezing my bum off in the middle of February. I especially don’t miss dealing with my ex and his crap (aka his lovely girlfriend) and I am sure anyone who has an ex out there will confess that they too wished that they lived at least an ocean away from them. So back to the age thing. Do you remember when you were say 18 or 22 and you never really gave the actually length of your life any thought? I know that it didn’t really hit me until my mother-in-law announced that she was selling her place and moving into a retirement residence. It happens to all of us. If we are lucky. How could I be so ignorant to believe that life would go on and on with no ending? How arrogant of me. And some of you may say, hey, I would trade you for 45 but when I stopped to think of how close that is to 50, I feel a little freaked out, I must say. But I have no regrets, to be honest. I have raised my kids to be pretty descent citizens, I have their love and respect, I have a spouse that is by no means perfect (and who wants perfect anyway) but is the right partner for me. And now I’ve had the chance to experience life from a whole different angle. I wonder what it will feel like when I get back home.
We are enjoying our last fews months here and recently did an overnighter just outside of Bath in a lovely B&B in Bradford on Avon. Totally feel in love with this village and especially enjoying the train ride though the valley into the city of Bath. Very picturesque. Then this weekend we camped (yes my Canadian friends, camped) in north Essex at a a place called Gosfield Park with a terrific lake and a church that rang the bells on Easter morning while I scrubbed our breakfast dishes. We had a couple of days checking out Suffolk county and absolutely loved the thatched roofs, the narrow and winding roads and hey a beer and wine festival along the way. Sweet deal. And during Rick's last term break we did a four night stay in Benidorm, Spain, and that in itself is a story I am very much looking forward to sharing when we get back home.
So this weekend coming up is the Royal Wedding and Rick and I are at odds about this one. I know he thinks it is a waste of time and it is only two people getting married but I just can't help feeling special for being here while this historical event takes places. I wonder what William's mom would say about her boy tying the knot? Would she approve of his bride-to-be, Kate? And speaking of age, would Diana say, my goodness where did my little man go and for heaven's sake I could be a grandmother soon? But she can't and he will never know. And somehow this makes me even more thankful. Because I may be an ocean away but my kids still make my heart sing and even if I am moving onto the closer side of 50, who the hell cares? Is is not about what the good Lord has given you and making the most of it all? Bloody right, it is.
So for all of you fence sitters out there that have always wanted to do something in particular with your life, what on earth are you waiting for? You will never have enough money, it will never be the perfect time, it will never be easy, it will never involve no sacrifices, it will never make everyone happy, but it will be the one thing that when you get to the end of your life you will never regret.
So on 29th of April when Wills and Kate have the Royal kiss and wave to the public, I will most likely be a sappy fool. It is mostly about being a mom and realizing that at 20 my boy is really not that far off either and more about being here to witness it just like I did when his mom married old "what's his name". And that my friends whether you care about the whole scene or not is just another page in "The Adventures of My Canadian Ass".
I can see me reading this part over again while I am relaxing amongst the roses and wisteria in the gardens of my English retirement home.
